October 2010
1 post
Forgot about Tumblr.
I sign on this from time to time, mostly to see funny pictures or see Gabby Giammarco’s postings of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. However, I am experiencing a see-saw effect of emotion that will not seem to quit, so I figure writing on my favorite online diary may help.
Toast to you. Person who lingers in my mind.
That night hour comes. I lay down and shut my eyes. I cant...
August 2010
3 posts
I'm lame. Here's my survey.
Two Names You Go By:
1. Amanda
2. Deco
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Blue Bra
2. Striped shorts
Do you still have feelings for your ex?
I avoid the thought of him too much to let myself care.
Have you ever been given roses?
Yes, like 1000 times. Mostly for proms, but Mike got me one at waterfire :D
What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
I’m gonna be a cornball...
Last Night
Was both good and bad. For one I forgot what sparks and butterflies felt like, so it was refreshing to experience that again. It was bad because on the other hand I didnt like feeling pressure by other people to do things I didnt want to do. However it was good because slightly intoxicated Laura is cute as a button.
First spark of happiness
in awhile. I cant say this has been a smooth summer, but I’ve made the best of it, and I cant say it hasnt been eventful.
July 2010
2 posts
Youre getting closer I can feel it.
Urge
I have a very strong urge to listen to Lithium, but instead I have a five hour work shift. Looks like my urge will only grow stronger.
June 2010
5 posts
I am turning into Laura Hewey. I have psycho...
So. Today I took a risk..because it was my only way of answering the hardest questions in my life.
I am aware of how to make a relationship work and I am also aware of how easily it can crumble apart.
For months I questioned what the true definition of a relationship was. Breaking up was probably the worst thing that could have happened to my self esteem and mind, but it was the only thing to...
6 Reasons To Hate June 9th.
June 9, 1999-Broke my Ankle, causing in broken growth plate.
June 9, 2000- A huge rock fell on me.
June 9, 2004- I got my period…tell me thats not traumatizing.
June 9, 2008- Found out ex boyfriend was lying to me about seeing a girl he still liked…real super.
June 9, 2009- Had a customer throw a receipt at me at work.
June 9, 2010- Got into a shitty car crash.
Reasons for me...
Lesson of the Day. 6/13/10
Never lose sleep for somebody, because chances are, they are not losing sleep for you.
Lesson of the Day. 6/12/10
Never expect too much..because when you dont get perfection you will worry. expect as little as possible i know how bad that sounds. but you can not rely on anyone. everyone and anyone will be a disappointment if you expect too much. one of the hard lessons i’ve learned over the past few months…loving people is easy, as long as you dont put them up on a pedastal.
You never say you’re sorry Try to tell me that you love me
May 2010
2 posts
1 tag
formspring.me
Ask me anything http://formspring.me/manddeco
Anytime between 11pm-3am is nice.
I have peace in this time. It’s the only time I can really sleep. I have reoccuring nightmares and I want to cry all the time. I dont know why I’m like this. I have a constant thickness in my throat that wont go away. I really wish I could shake things off and sleep some more…I feel like my whole life is just going downhill and theres nothing I can do about it. I dont want to...
April 2010
3 posts
Who
Are Neon Trees? And why have I not heard of them until this moment!!!
This morning.
All of those things you said to me are replaying over and over again in my head.
Woke up today with my heart in my stomach.
Just another anxious day? That’s what I thought this morning. I was doing so well, hadn’t been anxious since this past Monday. Tuesday- Friday were spectacular when it came to peace of mind. I woke up today, feeling uncertain. I did my morning prayer, asking God to just allow me to be happy, nothing more, nothing less. The phone rang, and my grandma was rushed to the hospital...
March 2010
4 posts
This song is always playing...after the horrible...
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor. reaching for the phone, cause I cant fight it anymore. And i wonder if I ever cross your mind for me it happens all the time Its a quarter after one im all alone and I need you now said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now, and I dont know how I can do without i just need you now
Broken/Hearted.
I want to go to college.
I dont think I want to go to Euphoria anymore. .. but I’m in. What do I do? I really like my advisor and she’s probably going to be annoyed with me. And my mom says she always supported me and is kinda sad I dont want to do it. I also found out this girl who used to torture me will be in my class and I really dont want to go into something I’m doubting just to be tortured for...
Good girls always finish last...
February 2010
2 posts
dylandylandylan:
I don’t think you even care if you see me anymore.
Drugs are the most important thing in everyone’s lives now. 2008<3
do you understand how i felt now?
“Gitoffmyballsnig”
– Laura Hewey
January 2010
9 posts
Stealing Laura and Mary Kate's Idea not because I...
1. I grew up with you by my side, watching soaps, going to honey dew, all effortless, all very easy. I still love you, I wish I’d see you more, I’m sad we arent as close but I dont resent you for it, and I dont think it could have been prevented. I’m glad when we hang out I can still see a glimpse of the effortlessness we once had.
2. I was with you forever. Like, longer...
Pros and Cons.
In a list of pros and cons, the pros win. They win by a significant landslide, to an objective eye, there would be no question of what I should do. I love you so much, I never want us to end, I see myself going places with you, I want us to live in a log cabin where I have your babies. =)
Big con…huge con…. I hate knowing that I waited .. for you, and you never waited for me kills...
Kenny Pickart
You are a wonderful person, so shat up and the world says thankyou.
Black Ford Mustang 1998.
Is mine for only $1750 =). It’s a boy, I have decided to name him Nash.
How Monday is twenty minutes later...
Kay Houlls is moving.
How Monday Began...
My throat is killing me and my ‘monthly friend’ came back.
This Weekend in Retrospect...
On Friday, I had the worst stomach pains ever…couldnt go to the Hookah bar with Chris, Vanessa, and Laura. To top it off…I basically spent the night alone, of course to no fault of another, no sarcasm.
On Saturday, I got my hair cut, shorter than I prefer, but, I’m not hideous. I drove to get a Starbucks coffee, drove to work to find that I got 9 hours this week. Awesome, $60. ...
Maybe if I was inapropriately underage this would...
I dont want to sound selfish, because it isnt like that at all. I just cant help but think that if I was more like …her some things would be easier for you. Not that I would ever stoop down to that level, not even if that was what you wanted. I feel like I havent had that closeness in awhile and it kind of scares me. I’ve been sad and double/triple thinking everything, worrying...
December 2009
3 posts
Going to the mall
laurahew:
With Amanda <3 Spending tonight with James.
it will be a splendid day my girl.
Laura's Birthday
Laura’s birthday is tomorrow. I hope she likes what i got her, i mean its small and its not cool like an electric blanket James got her…but i hope she likes it anyways. I dont really know what we’re doing tomorrow but I hope its something cool. I love Laura, she’s my best friend, and school was exceptionally lonely without her.
November 2009
3 posts
White.
I really like the way I look in white. Maybe it’s time to invest???
Thinking and Dreaming.
I could never picture my life without Vinny. If something were to happen to him, I would die. Something tragic and horrible had to happen in order for me to realize how precious Vinny is to me. I woke up tossing and turning last night because I couldnt stop thinking about the possibility, and I couldnt stop thinking about how this had to happen to a very good girl and she has to go through so...
Yesterdayyyy
laurahew:
At work I asked a resident what he wanted for dessert, and he said, ” For dessert?! I want you for dessert!!”
…Runs away.
I got my baby chinchilla yesterday! She’s sososo cute. Pictures soon.
Little Amanda, right?
October 2009
5 posts
I wishhh.
I wish that I was in the same exact place I was last night. You mean everything to me.
Baby Girl Chinchilla.
laurahew:
Hopefully, James and I are picking up a chinchilla baby today :)
Yes, baby girl chinchilla Amanda.
on october 20th
the most amazing thing happened, i love youuu.
resentment.
When we’re apart, everything eats at me, then when we’re together, everything is okay. I has to all be in my own head doesnt it.
September 2009
13 posts
My Top Ten Fears.
10. Dark rooms.
9. Gnomes.
8. Clowns.
7. Vomiting.
6. Suffocating.
5. Love.
4. The Past.
3. Vulnerability.
2. Death.
1. Time.
I am so in love.
I'm strong...and I like it.
I am one of the few who can resist temptation. =)
Stress.
The stress of everything is getting to me and surpressing my immune system. Scratchy throat, stuffy nose, migraine…. If I didnt have Vinny, I wouldnt be as happy…I’d have to find a way to live, but, my life would revolve around negatives, rather than positives. I’m glad he is in my life. I remember last year I was so unhappy and in a destructive relationship, that I used...
I wanna swim away but dont know how.
I’m sick of being responsible and I am also sick of being your perfect little daughter. I never do anything wrong and I always treat you with the utmost respect and get nothing but yelling and ignoration in return. I am the epitome of obedience. Like that time you called me an embarrassment…or that time you threw the phone at my head…or that time I was getting a drink of water...
Annoying.
I think its soooo annoying when people send little messengers to talk to you. Sorry, but if I feel this strongly about something I’m not going to let someone just change my view on it completely. I’m a stronger person than that. Just because it was easy for your view to be clouded by insignificant notions of people…doesnt mean thats mine too.
I drove to school today =)
I was scared as fuck, but, I did it, and almost died in the process =\ =)